let's go chemo

So, I hopped into my Halloween Bunny outfit to celebrate the October 31st holiday in treatment. I did my best to put on the fun face and bring humor to those around me. 

Yet, I couldn't help but think - here I am again, back in the chair, feeling the cold rush of the Taxol/Carbo coursing through my veins. The familiar metallic taste in my mouth, the waves of nausea, and the crushing fatigue remind me of the battle scars from my first round of chemo. It's a harsh reality check that no matter how strong I was the first time, this second bout won't be any easier.

The November treatments shift and the physical toll is immense, but it's the emotional and mental strain that truly takes its toll. The constant rollercoaster that leaves me feeling drained. The hair loss, the weight fluctuations, and the overall sense of feeling unwell are relentless reminders of the war being waged inside my body.

Guess what else the "Red Devil" chemo can do? It can sometimes cause face rashes as a side effect. These rashes can be itchy, red, and uncomfortable, often appearing within the first few weeks of treatment. Maybe looking like my face has broken out in red discoloring splotches They occur because Doxorubicin affects rapidly dividing cells, including healthy skin cells, leading to an inflammatory response.

Of course, if you're experiencing a rash, it's important to talk to your doctor for proper management and relief options. I did. They recommend gentle skincare routines and gentle topical ointment to help soothe the irritation.

Despite the pain and discomfort, I find solace in the small victories. The moments when I can muster the strength to get out of bed, to enjoy a meal without feeling nauseous, or to simply laugh at a joke. These moments remind me that even in the darkest of times, there is light to be found.

I have found a positive way to use my time in treatment - I have begun a cancer journal that I use to represent how I am feeling, and using my art as a means of expression during treatment has been a powerful outlet for my emotions. Each sketch and color choice becomes a cathartic release, allowing me to pour out the complexities of my journey onto the paper. And I make a lot of Cancer Monsters that are fun ways to express the crap that cancer causes. I have also tried to include my own writing and journaling to help make each piece individual to the current experience I am living in. 

Creating whimsical and slightly dark visual stories, helps me navigate the labyrinth of my feelings. This process not only provides solace but also serves as a visual testament to my resilience. Through art, I transform my pain, fear, and hope into something tangible, offering a sense of control and a profound connection to my inner self. It's a healing journey that goes beyond the physical, allowing me to find beauty and meaning even in the midst of my battle with the Red Devil and into the Taxol/Carboplatin world that is coming before me at the end of December.

My support system has been my rock. Friends, family, and even strangers at the cancer center who have reached out with words of encouragement and love have been instrumental in keeping my spirits high. Their unwavering support fuels my determination to keep fighting, to not let this second battle define me. Plus, I hope my happy spirit is also strength to them too.

As I navigate this challenging journey once more, I hold onto the belief that I am more than my illness. I am a warrior, a survivor, and a beacon of resilience. The chemos we face may be fierce, but so am I. And with every passing day, I inch closer to the finish line, ready to reclaim my life and emerge victorious.

To anyone else who may be going through a similar journey, know that you are not alone. That we are each going through something similar, yet unique to our own experiences. Hopefully, my journey will help someone else one day.

Enjoy the classical N.Paganini - Capriccio Op.1 #13 Devil's Laugh - Anton Polezhayev, Violin