the red devil strikes again

My Second Battle with Chemotherapy

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But sometimes, it feels like the journey to strength comes with a hefty toll. Facing the “Red Devil” a second time, I was prepared for some of the more notorious side effects—hair loss being the most talked about—but I wasn’t quite prepared for the onslaught of additional challenges it would throw my way.

As the clock ticked past midnight, signaling the dawn of a new day, I found myself wide awake, grappling with the weight of a familiar foe. This is my second time undergoing chemotherapy, and the dread of the "Red Devil" has once again become a part of my reality. For those fortunate enough to be unfamiliar, the "Red Devil" is a nickname given to the chemotherapy drug Doxorubicin, known for its potent and aggressive nature.

Back in 2013, the first time I faced chemotherapy, I was filled with a mix of fear and hope. I clung to the belief that the treatment would work, that the side effects would be temporary, and that I would emerge on the other side, stronger and cancer-free. And for a time, it seemed like my hopes were realized. But life, as unpredictable as it is, had other plans.

I was quickly back into mouth ulcers, red rashes and swelling and weird toe nail growth (I swear from Keytruda). They might sound like small inconveniences in the grand scheme of chemotherapy, but trust me, they were anything but. I remember waking up one morning, looking in the mirror, and seeing a face I barely recognized one day and then myself again the next. The rashes had painted my skin in shades of red I didn’t know it could turn, and the swelling made me look like I had a boxing match with a heavyweight. My toe grew some odd second toenail on top of the big toenail on both big toes.

Navigating these side effects felt like a never-ending roller coaster. The discomfort was constant, and each day was a game of trial and error—finding creams that worked (or didn't), adjusting my diet, and trying to stay cool to alleviate the itching and unusual sensations.

But in the midst of this tumultuous ride, there were moments of clarity and resilience. I found solace in humor, which became my shield and sword against the daily battles. Every time I made a joke about looking like a tomato or compared my swollen face to a pufferfish, it felt like I was taking back a little bit of control. The manicures my mother gave were humorous in a weird way because my dad was also going through cancer treatment and had the same toenail issues. She got really good at handling our feet - a prize she really would like to not have won.

Everyone needs different levels of support from friends and family. I tend to hermit away in my bed until I feel well enough to visit. Yet, it is the endless encouragement, silly distractions, and just being there to listen made the unbearable moments bearable. It was a reminder that even in the darkest times, the human connection could be a beacon of light.

For anyone who might be going through a similar journey, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel frustrated, to cry, to laugh, and to sometimes just exist without any grand epiphanies. Our bodies might be fighting a fierce battle, but our spirits are tougher than we give ourselves credit for.

A Few Tips

• Use hypoallergenic and fragrance-free moisturizers: They can soothe irritated skin and help manage red rashes. Moo Creme (Udderly Smooth is the products actual name) works really well because it is fantastic for chemo & radiation).

• Apply cold compresses: This can reduce swelling and provide relief from burning sensations.

• Stay hydrated: Drinking plenty of water aids in flushing out toxins and can improve your skin’s condition. But, I cannot say it enough HYDRATE, HYDRATE, HYDRATE.

• Incorporate anti-inflammatory foods: Foods like turmeric and ginger may help reduce inflammation.

• Wear loose, breathable clothing: This can minimize irritation and keep you comfortable. I live in super soft comfy clothes no matter how I look:

• Use baking soda mouth rinses: Mix baking soda and water together to help prevent mouth sores, as well as get the NP to order you Magic Mouthwash from your pharmacy if you begin to get ulcers or sores. (Stay away from mouth washes that have alcohol)

• Consult your healthcare team: They can provide tailored solutions for managing side effects.

• Prioritize self-compassion and mental well-being: Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. And rest - you should always learn how to pace your activities to maintain your health!

SOME DAYS WE JUST NEED TO BE A POSITIVE POTATO!

Song: Big Mouth Strikes Again by The Smiths