TaTa Wars

I finally... and by finally, I mean FINALLY went to the pain management doctor. I truly dreaded this doctor's appointment. It was not because I have anything against pain medication or doctors or the stigma that all of that entails. It was because it was like admitting defeat. It was the fact that I had gone through all my options and I was still not well. I felt like some of my hope (the hope that I would get back to normalcy on my own) was gone... for now. The pain management clinic was like any other doctor's office. Though it had one of those red number dispensers that you get when you have to wait in line. It was crowded, but wow! The office was full of all types of patients. There were old people, young people, well dressed people, not well dressed people. And then there was me... with my 8 year of daughter. I felt like mom of the year! It was not like I have not taken my daughter on a number of doctor's appointments and she has seen more medical procedures p...

Zap. Zap. Zap. I am sitting here looking at my computer realizing months and months have passed and I am getting further behind on catching up and I really need to. It is fall break (yeah... it's October and I am writing about May). Maybe over this week I will finally get everything right back up to speed so that you can see that my roller coaster of a life is still as entertaining... for those reading and watching... maybe not as much living!!! Travel back to May with me.... So, I just finished my mammogram and they told me I was fine - which is what I wanted to hear. With all the nervous system problems that I have been dealing with they sent me to a nerve study to rule out all the big issues. I mean in general these test are for ALS, MS, and other nerve illness that I was not worried about (as of yet), so these were doctors sending me as precautionary... yeah!!! Why not? I mean chemo was not the cause... it could not be the cause... really???? I have never seen doctors...

Time for me to play catch-up... Like any person who lives in this world of doctors and illness and cancer and life, there comes a point when you need a mental break from it all. After a series of unexpected, uncontrollable, and unbelievable events... I had my fill. Of course I did not truly get a break or even time off from the craziness... I just took time off from writing about it all. So now, I am back... I am back to share the roller coaster ride with those who are willing to ride along and think "I am so glad that is not me." or for those unfortunate readers "Crap... I am not alone." So, let's pretend it is the beginning of May, I had gone to Vandy in search of some answers. When I got back home I followed up, like I was told, with my Breast Surgeon about that weird lump in my left breast. Since my mammogram was scheduled for June 1st, they rescheduled it for May. I was going to have my mammogram done early with an isolated ultrasound to look at ...

Episode CXVI - I felt so good like anything was possible I wanted a comprehensive look at my cancer side effects. I wanted someone, somewhere to actual look at all my scans, tests, and reports as one collective cohesive sum. I was tired of multiple specialists doing one thing and then sending me to someone else to handle something else. It seemed no one taking my whole health into account other than my family doctor. So, like normal... I was going to be my own advocate and search for my own answers.

Episode CXV - has got me by my soul to squeeze I was never warned. No one talked about lymphedema. I never really understood what it truly was until I was diagnosed. I am not even sure all my medical providers understand it. How do I expect others to know? How can I help others understand it? It is every second of every minute of every day...

Episode CXIV - treats me like a rag doll I have come to really dread my oncology follow-up appointments. It is not because I am expecting bad news... nor good news... I think I am sick of no news.

Episode CXIII - going down in it It was time for my second diagnostic procedure to try and figure out my swallowing problems... the nasal endoscopy. Basically, the ENT was going to shove a narrow tube in my nose and down my throat to examine me from the inside. Seriously, I know you are jealous...

Episode CXII - buns up kneeling wheeling and dealing I guess it was bound to happen. I mean it was bound to happen to me. I was scheduled for a true medical double penetration day... get your minds out of the gutter or at least attempt too. I was going to both the Gynecologist and Gastroenterologist in one day. Why would any human being schedule a vaginal exam and sigmoidoscopy on the same day? Are they completely idiotic? Possibly. However, when they are the only days you can get and you are told you have to go, you take it. You drop your drawers and you take it!

Episode CXI - moving to the country gonna eat a lot of peaches Time to hear if I am still deaf??? Yes... yes... I am... or at least that is what I think they said, but I could not really hear them. off to see my ENT My hearing has stayed at the same level of loss since I finished treatment. I was actually glad that I had not lost any additional hearing. So on that end, it was a successful visit. However, I was still upset that I am unable to wear my hearing aids. It is not that I do not want to wear them or cannot wear them. I choose not to wear them.

Episode CX - You're off to great places My son (15) is going to Japan with his cousin (14). Yes, you read that correct. Japan. They are going to Japan! Last Thanksgiving I made some random comment that my son could go with his cousin on his school's winter trip. Of course this was dependent on both high schools agreeing that it was alright. Then they did the unimaginable, they both actually said ok!?!?!

Episode CIX - Show me how big your brave is Unexpected surprises and exciting things can happen! Even in the midst of my crazy life, I had some very positive things going on. I was contacted by a person about my artwork. Seriously. Someone who reads my blog wanted to purchase some of my artwork for a cancer charity, Sparrow's Nest. I was honored... excited... I was down-right happy!!!!

Episode CVIII - it never rains but it pours Where to even begin? It was like the past few weeks were jammed packed full of crap. I am not kidding. It was just one horrible thing after another. Of course, I tend to turn horrible into something good in the end, but still it was a stinky couple of weeks...

Episode CVII - And I’ll find strength in pain Bwah-ha-ha... The weather is not my friend. By all accounts it is not even that cold. I do not live up north getting bombarded with snow. I am not dealing with snow at all, other than a dusting or two. Yet, my body feels like it has been hammered with aches, ailments, and aggravation. Did I mention, my body is not my friend!

Episode CVI - I will begin again. With all the craziness that surrounded the month of December, I was ready to let off some steam. I was not attempting to have a lets get all crazy, wild New Year's celebration... it was more like a relaxed, attempt a few drinks at home celebration. That and try to stay up until midnight!